Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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