guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
