one two three fourrrrnication!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
