i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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