I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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