He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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