remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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