I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
