I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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