If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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