i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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