Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
