So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
