i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
