Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A+ Viking dick
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
