you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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