with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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