I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
