T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
