i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
