and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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