thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
