but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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