After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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