I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
