I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
