what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
