Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
