Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
