What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
