I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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