Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
