just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
