The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
