I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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