she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
