Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
