sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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