for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
