You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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