community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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