Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
