A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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