We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
