Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
