You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
