Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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