that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
