The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i now understand why vodka
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
