i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
