I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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