yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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