My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Pooping to opera.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
