i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
