Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
