I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This is the high leading the old right now
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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