so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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