she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
