No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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