Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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