3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
