He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
