i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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