You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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