I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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