I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
