I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
