She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
