I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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