They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I supernannyed him into submission
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
