take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
