bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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