If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
