I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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