Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
