I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
