Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize