You smell like stripper and shame
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
