Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
