Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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