Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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